I think there’s a notion that play is always joyful. We imagine scenarios that include sunshine, harmony, and laughter. That’s not really what play looks like. Sometimes that’s the scene, but not always. It can be loud, tumultuous, and sometimes we get really, really mad when we play. It’s hard work.

I think it’s important to recognize these things about play because they are where so much of its value is held. It’s how we learn to be together and It’s also how we discover who we are and how we fit in the world.

At our program, we see value in getting along and working together, but we see equal value in conflict. In angry, sad, frustrated feelings. We work through it together, in the safe place of our relationships.

Children have a spectrum of feelings. We all do and we, as adults have to make a decision. Do we try to change children’s minds about how they feel? Talk them out of it? Do we ignore their struggles? Do we label those less pleasant feelings as bad or unwanted? We’ve made the decision to see the value in these feelings, to support them, and to make sure that children know this is a safe and supportive place to let those feelings out.

Most days, children spend a lot of time playing happily, cooperating, and finding the flexibility that it takes to be together. These are sophisticated skills and we often get to them through struggle. We have to embrace the difficult feeling with as much attention and presence as those joyful, cooperative experiences.

Your child might get pushed or yelled by another child in our program. We do our best to be right there, to step in to keep children’s bodies from landing on each other or to redirect hurtful words. We spend our energy on making the hurt child feel cared for and supported. We also try to understand the aggressor's need to hurt. Chances are, your child has played both roles. We don’t ask children to say “I’m sorry” at our school. We do ask them to look at each other, and sometimes we say what we believe everyone is feeling. And then, we move on…

Being together is hard work. It’s true for all of us. We are learning how to advocate for ourselves and empathize with others. It’s a hard lesson and it takes a lot of practice.

It’s worth doing.